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| Darrie Turner and his wife Debbie |
1.
Have you in your life found
anything that you would describe as beautiful?
Yeah,
my wife, literally! I also think, though, that beauty is all around us. We just
have to take time to see it and enjoy it because life goes very quickly as we
attend to our daily obligations. To actually see beauty you have to look at it reflectively.
Beauty demands some admiration.
For
example, I think my compound is very beautiful and I enjoy it, but I sometimes
get so busy I don’t know I live here! It is not until I take time off and sit on
the porch that I go, “oh I live in a beautiful
place!” but you see, I have to stop to see the beauty.
2.
What is it about your wife that
made you come to the conclusion that she is beautiful?
It is
a multiplicity of things. Beauty has to be multidimensional. If it is one dimensional,
if there is only one face to it, it turns out like a painting of a vehicle that
looks so real it makes you say, “oh wow,
that is a cool car!” But when you get
closer you say “oh no, that is just a
painting!”.
The
reason for your disappointment with the painting is that you expected more of
it than what you first saw. And if beauty is like that (one dimensional) it disappoints
because it draws to itself, but it can’t sustain.
For
Debbie, I think she is a very attractive lady, not just physically, but the
things that make her beautiful are her composure, her kindness, her sense of
order, her love of God. And when I saw who she was despite her difficult
background, it meant that it was a choice of her will to be beautiful; she
wasn’t just going with the crowd.
3.
There is only reference of
inner beauty in the Bible about women in 1 Peter 3; do you think there is anything
like inner beauty in men? Is it even
necessary for a man to possess inner beauty?
I
think you are asking the wrong guy because I am sometimes like “a bull in a china closet”. You know there are
men who are so organised, very proper, who always say the right thing and I am
the opposite.
I
think we men can bring order but not the same way women do. I think there is a
beauty of power and emotion that men can have that women do not possess. I
think our gifts are best used when we use power and our ideas to serve,
especially our families because I think that is where men learn to serve.
You
know, the Bible says a pastor or elder has to be a husband of one wife and have
his house in order. It is a general statement and very broad, but in essence it
is saying you have to learn from A and B before you can serve C which is the
church. So what does a man learn when he is married? Not to be selfish and that
is the biggest lesson at the start of any marriage. Another lesson is how to be
in authority and use it for serving others. Then you can take that principle
and apply it to the church.
How
to use your power, your time and your skills to serve and provide for another
person/people is what it means to grow from a boy to a man.
None
of us knows how to be a father. When we have children we need to know God to
know how to reflect HIS image as Father. We mirror God imperfectly of course, but
in the process we learn how to be a good father.
So
learning to give of ourselves unselfishly and use our authority to serve are
the A and B which we then apply to C.
So
yes, there is a beauty in what we do, but I think the beauty is different from
that of the women. I wouldn’t necessarily call it beauty.
Paul
uses the illustration of an aroma in I Corinthians 2:15 I
think that is what men have. Men have a fragrance because of Christ. For some people it stinks and for some people
it is good.
Now
Paul is not saying that we shouldn’t stink because I think we should stink in some
places sometimes. We should be like the aroma of death to some people because
we are opposed to what they want to do.
4.
So there is beauty in men?
Yes,
and it is found in their inner strength. What do we admire about men? Their
ability to run, their ability to carry heavy things, their ability to stick to things,
their ability to hold on to things, their ability not to fall apart and not lose
their heads when the rest have, and so much more.
I
see those as points of admiration. Even if a man is physically weak but can
hold to the right course even when it’s the harder course, you can’t help but
admire him and say “there is a man!”
5.
Can someone be beautiful inside
and yet the beauty never finds its way out to manifest itself?
All
I know is that whatever is inside always comes out. It is just like blood,
though you have to first be pricked for it to come out. What comes out when things are hard is the
real indication of what is inside us.
I
remember one day as I was servicing my car, through my own carelessness, I put
a big dent in it! I can still see
myself standing beside the car and saying “God,
why did you let this happen to your car?” At that point, in the midst of the problem,
was I thankful and did I trust God? What came out of me was a complaint and it
is often that way when troubles come. They allow us to see ourselves and sometimes we are surprised and don’t
like what we see. That is an
indicator that is there more that God needs to do in our life.
6.
How can men work on their inner beauty to make
it better?
You can
build a house the way you want it, but you cannot build yourself the way you like.
We need to let God build us the way He wants.
The
Bible says, “as a man thinks in his heart so is he” and it also says, “out of
the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”.
What
you put in will eventually come out. God’s Word is a great re-programmer; it
sets the standards. And God’s Spirit convicts us and causes our nature, say
anger, to subside because, God’s standard rises up and now you have a choice:
to submit to His standard or go your own way.
Before you knew Christ, you could only get angry, but now there is a
standard, and God’s Spirit applies the standard to your situation.
It
doesn’t alter the fact that you may get angry at times but when you do, you
have a choice to make.
So I
think reading God’s Word really helps in one’s process of becoming like Christ.
Also, if you are struggling with something and haven’t quite beaten it, it
helps having a couple of other guys you are accountable to. They can ask, “how
are doing?” or “what’s been happening this week?” And when you blow it, you may need to go back
to these guys and tell them “oh, I really messed it up” and sometimes you may
need their help to put it all back together.
And
for men I will say that one of the things God uses is humility. He says in His
word that He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. The ability to
own up when you do things wrong is important. To say, “I am sorry” and ask for forgiveness
instead of saying, “if you hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t have done that!” is
humility.
Repentance
and humility are tools God uses to change our hearts; they are painful tools,
but they are supposed to be painful so we can take caution next time.
7.
How best can KBC men outwardly express the
beauty inside of them?
Let
us start with the reasons, because reasons do motivate us in many ways. So what
are your reasons? Do you want to be a better you, do you want people to say, “oh
that guy has really got it together!” or do you want people to admire Jesus?
I
think as Christians, our lives are supposed to reflect Jesus’ beauty which is
even a higher standard than having people admire us.
If
your motive is to reflect God’s beauty, God’s Justice, God’s anger at a given
time or the Father’s heart, then you will see yourself as a conduit and not as
a source.
If
you start with yourself by saying “I want to be a better person” then you are
the source and are just polishing your reputation.
As
pipes though, we want to deliver the likeness of Christ to a dead and a dying
world. This is the same desire we have in
our close relationships: for our wives
and for our children. But we cannot deliver
the likeness of Christ unless we are connected to the Source. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I worry,
and worry can lead to despair and hopelessness, or it can lead to God’s throne where
you say, “okay Lord, I know you will provide”.
Like
when I worry about providing for my daughter’s
college education, I am reminded that I have lived 62 years by the grace of God,
even my next breath is by the grace of God. So did God not know about my daughter’s
education? Of course He knew! Did it
take Him by surprise when the government said they would not continue their
support? No, He knew. At that point, my fears begin disappearing. It doesn’t mean I deny my parental
obligations. No, we do what we can. But
it does mean I cast my cares and burdens upon Him and focus on God’s ability.
Even
in love, how do we (men) love as Christ loved the church, how do we respond in
a Godly way to abuse faced by others before our eyes? How you choose to respond
will determine whether you are a conduit or a source.
I
think we have a great role to play; we can bring the image of God to the world,
in justice, truth, strength, and love; and that to me is masculine beauty.
